Ever wonder why divorce rates are through the roof these days? And wonder why those that do stay together are more often than not simply unhappy? I don't wonder. It's pretty damn obvious. Many people are extremely superficial and judgmental nowadays, thanks in large part to society and media influences and a shifting attitude towards relationships/marriage. North America especially.
It's the shallow stereotypical swap - sex objects for success objects. So-called attractive women (or men) for wealthy men (or women). This barter of status (looks and wealth) is pitched to us as the ideal situation over and over again in the media (TV, magazines, etc). Yet, as many people know who have entered into this bargain, it doesn't lead to actual love or happiness. So, why do we keep placing value on this superficial approach that in truth has nothing to do with love? In fact, when we approach people in this superfical manner, we almost guarantee that real love will completely elude us in the process.
Those with stereotypical "beauty" and wealth know all too well the heartbreak that happens when people desire you first and foremost for your externals.
Long ago I decided to forego dating people who were physically attractive to me at the time but had no substance, and now only date people I am truly attracted to (truly attracted means real attraction to the person inside the body...not being attracted to boob size or body type and certainly not favouring an "ideal" body over someone else before getting to know them). The idea that we should look for something that "looks good" on the outside and then try to fall in love with their insides is the biggest time-wasting mistake many people make. It won't happen as long as you place that much value on the outside. Because you're projecting the wrong messages and receiving the same type of people back. Superficial means being shallow in both character and attitude. It means focusing on the surface perception (which everyone sees differently anyways and is based on outside influences) and not focusing on what lies beneath which is truly the only relationship connection that matters. Superficial is actually another word for "fake".
A superficial relationship or one that begins based on income or looks means that there is not much substance, in fact there is only ego-boosting selfish desires. It means that you are only concerned with seeing the obvious without exploring any underlying issues and circumstances. In my experience, many superficial people are often the ones who claim to be the opposite and are only appearing to be real, but many are not truly being real.
I see them preach against superficial attitudes publicly yet in practice they still think "Except for me! I'm gonna get exactly what I want! I'm gonna get the best of both worlds!". So they think. And then they grow old wondering what happened. Usually men and women mature past the superficial stages in their mid 20's, but more and more never do. So many baseless "relationships" out there. Just look at Hollywood, ha.
What's a superficial relationship?
- When you care about somebody only because they have money and provided you with a certain kind of lifestyle.
- When you are too interested in how good they look on your arm, or in how good you look on theirs in your opinion.
- When you can't have a deep conversation or spiritual connection with them, but you still think they are a "great catch".
- When you care more about the status a person brings you, instead of caring truly for the person.
- When you date someone and care what other people think about you and him/her or are concerned with anyone else's judgments, whether negative or positive.
- When you enter into a relationship because you love each other and not because you love the way you look.
- When you start thinking "we" and not a selfish "I".
- When you realize there's a huge difference between love and lust, and starting a relationship based on lust and then trying to find love with them which won't flourish and these relationships are generally much shorter-lived.
- When you can honestly say you will stay with your partner even when their looks fade away or if they get in an accident and become deformed for life.
People are initially attracted to one another for various reasons and not all relationships are based on love. Sometimes people are drawn to each other because of a physical attraction at first, especially the younger generation. While there is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone because of the way he or she looks, if you base that as important to begin a meaningful relationship, it will be mostly shallow and superficial, and furthermore people's perception of what's good looking to them will change over time, as well as people's appearances themselves that change over time. Eventually many people realize those things never mattered, they are not permanent, only the soul connection is. When the soul connection is fully realized, everything becomes attractive about them to each other. Well, at least the lucky people who learned this through trial and error and now have meaningful and deep relationships to fill their lives.
Both men and women are equally guilty, including myself when I was younger. I was guilty of being the stereotypical teen who went after girls because of their looks. That's fine for a romp in the sack, but eventually I learned that it is not relevant for a relationship. In fact, they were the most meaningless relationships I had because I actually thought that was important. Even sadder is those with money and fame who often never outgrow their shallowness. That is why before too long you see so many rich men trading in their supermodel girlfriends for a new one. (Tiger Woods anyone?). Well, Tiger is not alone. And the "supermodels" who actually try to attract such men are equally as shallow. In a sense, those type of people are perfect for each other and compliment each others' shallowness. It's the law of attraction, the law of projection!
If YOU are shallow and superficial, you'll attract the same attitudes from the opposite sex.
But it's sad those types never feel real love and are constantly in competition with others for a meaningless connection. And, you don't have to have wealth to fall victim to putting the emphasis on appearances, any egotistical selfish person will be prone to do just that. I don't think anyone can call those relationships "true" on any level.
Those people are constantly fighting with themselves, trying to "improve" their bodies to be more "attractive" to the opposite sex, all the while they don't realize that's exactly the wrong type of attraction for anything meaningful in the first place. What a waste of time and energy! For what? Attracting a "prize" for awhile? That's not love and never will be. And furthermore, neither of the people in that situation are attracted to anything real about each other...just a candy-covered package to satisfy their egos for a short while. Sure they can try to fall in love, and sometimes convince themselves they are, but it's based on fakeness. The fact that boob jobs for women and steroids for men even exist is proof positive of how shallow society can be and is a testament to the extremely high failure rate of the modern relationship.
If this sounds like you, and you are superficial in who you choose to get involved with (whether you admit it or not yet), you shouldn't even be in a relationship in my opinion. What you need is a booty call, to put it frankly, and to quit trying to find actual love in mutually shallow attitudes. It's foolhardy. It'll tear you apart. It'll cause an endless loop of heartache. Why do that to yourself? Until you've matured, admit where you need to grow yourself emotionally and admit that your ego has control of you for the time being. You won't be able to completely love until you've figured this out.
Here is a great checklist by Dr. Lisa Love. I think everyone should read it.
Questions To Answer In Your Quest for Real Love
1. Do I genuinely enjoy and admire this person, even if he/she is not "wealthy enough" or "good enough looking"?
2. Do we share the same vision of what we want our lives to be like? And, does that vision help to create a better world for lots of people around us?
3. Do we have a lot of things in common (after all even though opposites attract, time and again, research shows that long lasting happy relationships and marriages happen between people who are more alike than different).
4. Does this person possess integrity? Can he/she be trusted to keep his/her word?
5. Is this person free from obsessions, addictions, and abusive patterns (emotionally, physically, financially) showing they are capable of being a happy loving person, able to give that happiness and love to someone else?
6. Is this person a naturally unselfish person? Do they treat others with care and respect no matter what their status in life?
7. How does this person treat me? Forget about how much money he/she spends on me. Forget about how much he/she turns me on physically when we first meet. How does he/she treat me regarding the little things in life? How good of a human being is this person?
8. Does this person value who I am mainly in terms of the service I am here to bring to the world? And, will he/she help me make the contibution with my talents I am meant to?
9. Is this person capable of making sacrifices, joyfully and willingly, especially since the ability to joyfully sacrifice for the well being of others demonstrates that this person knows how to truly love?
10. What kind of spiritual qualities does this person possess, especially in regards to being fair, truthful, compassionate, open-minded, naturally joyful, loving, and concerned for welfare of others?
We all hear one too many times of how despite all some people have in life in terms of looks, status, or wealth, they still feel lonely, empty, betrayed, sad, angry, and abandoned once more because they did not get the real love they were looking for.
A good relationship should consist of a strong loving connection between two individuals with each partner loving the other enough to put the needs of their loved ones before their own. A good sex life is part of a healthy relationship but if that relationship is centered on lust more than love, it probably will not last.They pretend, and try to convince themselves otherwise, but it's an illusion. Just imagine the world we'd be living in if people put aside their egos and opened up their hearts and souls to share. Well, it can be your world. Your reality. It's up to you. Nothing becomes more attractive both physically and emotionally than being with someone whose mind is free of ego and a heart that feels true love. Are you wanting that true love, or do you want a status symbol? There is no "both".